After 9 years off of regular competition, I’m getting back
into it. In college, I evented through Prelim on the best horse I’ve ever
known, but when my parents said they couldn’t pay for him any more I was forced
to sell him. After college I moved to California for graduate school, and
although I rode some great horses and taught and even worked at a big eventing
barn, I didn’t compete seriously or regularly, didn’t have much instruction myself, and then
at the end I took a year off of riding and over two years off of jumping. Now,
with a ‘real job’ and an event horse (Tiger) that I’ve borrowed from some
friends who’ve moved out of the country, I’m trying to compete again. Getting
back into it after a break has been frustrating, but there’s just
something about riding and eventing that is a life-long commitment and that I
just don’t want to give up.
Getting back into eventing has been frustrating for so many
reasons: I’ve lost my Pony Club approved position both on the flat and over
fences; I know that I should be doing things like keeping my right hip back
through a turn and even WHY I should be doing them but I have to hear it over
and over again because I can’t seem to actually do them with my aforementioned
loss of correct position; Tiger hates dressage, is very long-backed anyway,
and, worse, came to me out of shape and not having really been as through as he
is capable of in several years; and finally I’ve had some stupid mistakes at
the 3 events we’ve done so far, including missing a fence on XC at Galway and
having two stops into the water (with no jump!) at Coconino because I was
exhausted and too out of shape for XC at 7,000 feet, and Tiger decided he’d
rather run out toward the barn than help me out.
All of that frustration keeps leading me to ask myself why I
am spending a good fraction of my ‘real job’ income and PTO putting myself
through all of these emotional ups and downs. I volunteered to take Tiger when
my friends moved out of the country because I’d had a lot of changes in my life
in a very short period and knew that the stability that horses provide would be
beneficial. But the emotional ups and downs that come with competing or even
just working towards a riding goal sometimes feel like they negate this
stability. Part of what I really enjoy about riding, though, is having
‘projects’ and goals to work towards; I don’t think I would be happy just trail
riding every day. There are also my bigger picture motivations: even though I
have a ‘real job,’ I still really love teaching and training, and would
ultimately like it to be a part of my career. Also, I know that even though
Tiger hates dressage and we may not do very well, getting my position back and getting
back into competing at the lower levels with him will help me prepare for my
next horse, who will almost certainly be young.
It’s been hard to keep all of these motivations in mind and to
take advantage of the stability that horses can provide, though, through the
ups and downs of competing, my frustrations with my own riding, and the all-too-familiar
barn drama. I still want to ride, but I’m also not enjoying every day at the
barn or every lesson. I understand that to be a good competitor and athlete you
need to push on through the hard parts. However, I also think that at this stage,
where I am essentially riding just for fun and
am sort of temporarily ‘stuck’ at the lower levels and am not even that
competitive because of the limitations of my current horse and my current self,
I need to find ways to enjoy almost every day at the barn.
To make sure I am enjoying every day, I’m going to try
several things. First, I’m going to write down and define much smaller goals
and ‘projects’ both for Tiger and for my own position. Second, I’m going to
(gasp!) do more things outside of riding. I’ve been seriously neglecting the
rest of my life since I started riding again and started my ‘real job’ all at
the same time, in part because I’ve taken every opportunity I can to ride extra
horses. Although I love this extra riding, I haven’t had much time for the
other exercise that I usually do in my free time, which improves my riding in
its own way and is fun! Third, I’m going to do fun things with Tiger that
aren’t competition oriented, like long trail rides in cool places, riding on
the beach, and hopefully foxhunting. Finally, I’m going to try to remember
something that a new friend told me recently- that her horse makes her laugh
every day. Tiger is a great character and does make me laugh a lot, and I think
keeping the funny things he does in mind is important. I hope that if I do
these things I will be able to both enjoy every day of my riding and keep
working toward my bigger motivations for riding.
